Why do weekends always seem the hardest to get through? For me its because the whole family is home and I am not running around getting things done. I have always tried to do all my running around during the week so the weekend is focused on family. So being home with food at reach at any moment is hard for me. I get hand to mouth syndrome it feels almost unnatural not to being putting things into my mouth. Unlearning things that I have been doing a lifetime is as hard as learning something new for a child I suspect.
Here I am mid morning blogging instead of eating. Its almost therapeutic for me to sit here and get all these thoughts and feelings out of my head it helps me stay on track to help me reach my goal.
I have to say I am sore today from last nights run/walk. Its a good hurt reminds me that I am alive and have a long way to go before I am back to where I was just a few years ago. Those years feel like a lifetime ago. My best friend told me I was too thin and looked ill LOL.... well I promise her that I am not going to get THAT thin but I am going to get to a happy medium.
I find that as a mom I am having to think of food all the time. What is for dinner, what do I need add to the grocery list, is that healthy enough to let the kids eat, is Emalynn going to have an allergic reaction if she eats that, will Emalynn actually eat this, did Krysta make her lunch, and did she actually get to school with it (LOL). Its like all day part of my job is to think about food. How is it possible not to get a hungry when thinking about all this stuff. Not only that but with small children who dont all their lunch how many times I have just finished it there never is enough to keep so why would it matter if I just threw it away. I dont know but as I am sitting here writing I am finding that is retarded of me.
So far today my biggest craving has been bread. I have always loved bread and will be one of my biggest hurdles as I go on this journey. I allowed myself to have some to battle back the craving and now its been satisfied and can move on with my day.
Soon it will be time to make dinner and I find myself at the point again where I want to eat but I know I am not hungry so I decided to add more to my blog. I actually was able to take a little nap this afternoon and now I feel ready to take on the afternoon and evening.
We havent went and walked but its a little chilly out so we will have to wait till Krysta comes in to stay with Emalynn while Matthew and I go walk. Emalynn has had a runny nose and hasnt had much of an appetite so I am not going to take the chance.
Tonight we are going to have a UFC night I think! Should be fun I hope there is some good fights!
The thing I have said to myself today the most... I will not let the cravings control me
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