Day 3 of Battle

Today was weigh-in day I am down 2.2 pounds for the week!  High five to me!!  So many more to go but it is a start!

Today Matthew and I  watched Heavy on Demand. This show is such an inspiration for me.  It takes such strength to put yourself out there and when you are morbidly obese its about 100 times worse. You already get the looks and people talking behind your back but for millions of people to see you on TV and hear your story that is very special.

I have never had issues with telling how it is or putting people in their place. Its just who I am!  I am blunt sometimes I do it with tact and well sometimes I forgo the tact and just put it out there. The problem is I haven't been honest with myself, I look in the mirror and I turn into exactly what I dislike in people.  I have been making excuses for what I have been eating or doing for the past 19 months. Oh Ill eat better tomorrow, oh its OK ill just have to work it off tomorrow... Its always tomorrow but not today well darn it Raelynn this is why you are where you are today! Not making yourself accountable for what you put in your mouth every time you eat!  Shame on me I have turned into exactly what I didn't want to!  Well I can tell you that I am taking me back!!!  I will no longer let myself be one of those people, I am taking responsibility for what I put into my mouth. 

As a child my parents always were pushing me to be better. As a parent I now see a fine line of over pushing.  I'm not saying my parents over pushed or under pushed me.  I think I translated their pushing into a complex of being overly self conscious. Of course it didn't help I was a little pudgy in middle school and I remember boys making fun of me calling me a moo cow, fatty, and several other names I wont repeat. But the summer between sixth and seventh I did Eureka and one of my friends Tricia and I would walk from her dad's work at the Nissan dealership up to Wenatchee Valley College Monday through Friday during the summer.  I lost weight and from then to the end of high school I didn't have a weight problem.  But still to this day I am still haunted by the comments made to me during that one year.  I have never said this out loud before and many of my high school friends maybe surprised. I always covered this up with laughs or withdrawing. All my high school friends can agree with that because I totally stated to withdraw around my Junior year.  It didn't help that my Grandmother who was my best friend was diagnosed with cancer and died soon after.  I guess its about time I face these skeletons and put them to rest. 

Changed it up today with my routine I went and did our run/walk. Tonight we are having a taco lasagna and since it has a little more fat and calories then I would like I am being proactive and doing some exercise to counter it.  This is a good practice for me to get into because after I reach my goal this will have to be done to maintain my weight.  I did add 30 seconds to run time today. Oh wow, I didn't think it would matter much. But after 1 minute my body and head were screaming at me. It amazes me how fast your body can become accustom to a routine. So glad I changed it up!  I did have a stumble today though, we hit an area where some people were out smoking and that made my lungs go crazy and I couldn't get a breath so we had to stop running for me to recover, I did and we ran 2 more intervals! Each time I run it will get easier and I will get better, it will go so much smoother when I find my stride. I try to match Matthew but he is just enough taller then me that when I try to match his I feel like I am about to do the splits. 

my saying for myself today.... You are your own worst enemy